I have had some pretty gloomy days lately. So many things are going on in my life right now that are really emotionally challenging. And to be honest, quite distressful. I could elaborate and go into detail about every single thing that is going on, but instead I will give you a short synopsis.
We are still dealing with stuff since the house fire this past February. We have a house full of unpacked items that I have already or need to give away or get rid of. There are a few things that I want to sell and hope I am able to. Then I need to go out and buy more things than anybody should ever have to at one time. And in the meantime, I am still waiting for enough money to cover all of that from the insurance company before i go completely into debt.
The other thing is my husband, whose health is not good at all. As some of you may remember, he has been fighting cancer since 2005. And the after-effects of all the surgeries (14 or 15 so far), the days and days of chemo and radiation, and the subsequent horrible effects of having certain medical conditions as a result have wreaked havoc on his frail body more than I can even begin to tell you about. He is in constant pain despite the fact that he does take some pain relievers a couple of times a day. He is struggling to be the man he used to be and mentally he certainly could be, but physically he cannot. He is at maybe 35-40% of what he used to be and it is blowing his mind. And, of course, standing here and watching him is a very very heavy emotional thing to have to go through.
And, then I have a daughter who has made a lot of poor choices and decisions in her life and is a few years away from turning forty. She is in a situation and environment that breaks my heart. I can’t bail her out of it but I am very hopeful and prayerful that in some miraculous event, she will turn her life around and live the life that I know she could be.
And then with some other little incidentals, that when added to the ones I just mentioned, my life has become very distressful indeed. It is really hard to keep the right attitude where you don’t find yourself sinking into a big pool of self pity or a sense of guilt or I don’t know. It is affecting me extremely, both emotionally and physically. I have lost quite a bit of weight and have absolutely no appetite. Although I do eat at least once a day to make sure I stay alive…… Not meaning that as a joke, but seriously.
Thank the Good Lord I have become aware of and am taking advantage of plant “concoctions” of which I mean picked leaves, roots, berries, seeds (and etc…), which are tinctures, or teas or salves form. I use a variety of them throughout the day depending on what my body says I need. How amazed I am of how my body knows and more importantly how amazing Father is to have created so many wonderful creatures that reach out to us and heal us.
I actually now have my pain under more control than I ever have. No more pills or supplements!!! Yay My energy levels are such that I can go for an hour and I mean a hard hour. Then I have to take a break for about 30 minutes or so. However, if you put that into a 10 or 12 hour day, you can get a lot done! And, I feel really good about that.
Anyway, today was one of those days that I genuinely fell completely overwhelmed by my situation and I had managed to get down into a very depressed place. So I started writing to a friend, some of you know her. But for those who don’t, suffice it to say that she is probably the best friend that a human being could ever ask for.
So, we were communicating back and forth and she, in her special way, was able to at least give me reason to get out of this dark place and find something better to do with myself! Ha ha
And then it started to rain. I was so excited and so happy. My heart was beating with joy because I was actually hoping it would rain. I LOVE the rain. I don’t care if it is an horrific thunderstorm with lightning so bright that it knocks you off your feet and thunder so loud that it makes your heart beat faster than you could ever imagine. I LOVE the rain.
As I write this, I am sitting out on my deck and I am watching the rain. But, back to when I first noticed it. I was sitting at my desk, sending another little quip to my friend. And, when I heard the rain start, I ran outside and down the steps. I stood there with my arms outstretched and I was just lifted up, in spirit and in my heart. Oh yeah. There are plenty of you out there that know what I’m saying. Especially my friend. (Yes, I just mentioned you again!!!! )
Anyway, back on the deck….. It is still raining. Good. We have had a total of 2.1 inches in the last 3 – 4 days. As you know, hot days and high humidity makes for storms. Just about every afternoon, there is always a pop up shower or thunderstorm somewhere close by. The chickens have now gone back into their condo; I can hear crows cawing in the distance, the rest of the birds are probably wherever they go when it rains. Wait, what do I see? I see a little finch has hopped onto one of the bare branches on one of the maples. Cool. Oh! Daddy bluebird just flew down onto the grass, grabbed something good in his beak and flew off.
Back at my desk now, finishing this up.
How wonderful can this be? I went from seriously gloomy to being at peace. Right now, there is a smile on my face, my heart is at rest and all is well right here, right now. My dog is sleeping on his throw, the sun just came out, the birds are back at the feeders and I am heading back out to the deck.
Amazing what can happen when you turn your attention away from gloom and towards the rain? Ha ha