Hurricane Dorian is now off of our Coast here in NC. Its storm bands are still circling over the upper northeastern corner, but it no longer is having any effects on our area other than some small wind gusts. I am very grateful there was no major damage and only minor flooding around here.
Prior to the storm, everything that we would do to prepare was done. All of our equipment was checked, filled with gas and put into the barn. This was done just in case we or any of our neighbors had cleanup to do after the storm passes. The generator was full of gas, the oil checked and it started up right away. The deck and front porch were cleared of anything the wind could move or carry away. That’s what we do. Or, should I say we did. This time, it was me. Alone. I wanted to make sure that even though he isn’t here, the neighbors could take advantage of everything he had in case they need it.
Today marks 91 days since my husband passed away. We were together for 8,688 days and, come this October, married for 23 years. No, I don’t count every day; I do count the weeks. It has been 13 weeks. That’s all. Just 13 weeks. I have to admit tears are rolling down my cheeks right now. It is hard. So very hard. Every Friday, late afternoon, it happens. I call them “my moments”. My moments of sorrow, my moments of deep grief, my moments when sometimes I re-live it. It happens other days also, but on Fridays, it is very intense and it weighs me down.
Looking out the window as I am typing this, one of our hawks just flew by. Isn’t that just like Father? As I look more outside and around, at least 30 birds are at my feeders and all the many places I scatter their seeds. Almost every kind of bird that lives here is out there. I peek out the other window and there is Mom hummer and one of her daughters, each at their own feeder. Squirrels and crows are chasing each other around the deer corn pan out by the woodpile.
Most nights, the owls are here either in the pine grove or one of the maples. If I am out on the deck and hear them further away, I make my owl call (I can just picture them looking at each other and rolling their eyes) and if they are so inclined, they come into my yard. The recording at the top was done the other night when they came for a visit. I was out on the deck and was feeling sad. Then, there they were! They are Barred Owls. And, yes, the monkey sound is actually an owl!
Yes, just like Him! It is what He does. For me. When I get sad or lost or feeling really really down. He brings me smiles. He knows how much I love my critters. He knew when I bought this place back in ’93 that on days like this, until…. I don’t know …. I guess until whenever, I would need it. Like today. I can’t tell you how often He blesses me in ways that I notice every single minute of every single day.
I am so blessed. As my heart hurts, He fills it with His Love. Then my heart feels like it is glowing and tingling … I don’t really have the right words. But when it happens, I fill up inside with unspeakable joy, smiles come that pull up the corners of my mouth, my eyes widen with inexpressible awe and His Glory moves through me.
Being connected to Our Father through our hearts is such an amazing experience. His Spirit moves within and our Spirits join together in a song that only Angels sing.
My heart, my little heart and His Love, communing together, my spirit with His. Oh my!
I am still sad though ………….